Since the moment I knew I was pregnant (and technically before that point, but let's keep this clean) goings-on below the bikini-line have been uppermost in my mind. Following the arrival of my little bundles of fun, I've changed more nappies and wiped more boy-bits and girl-bits than I've had gin and tonics; and I've needed a fair few of those since their arrival...
As the children grow up I have become ever more aware of the words I use when I'm with them; conscious that I am shaping the future vocabulary of my ultra-absorbent audience. Over the last couple of years I have managed to phase out swearing almost completely, replacing the profanities with a range of 'blimeys' and 'botherations' that would bring credit to a vicar's wife.
With this in mind, my thoughts have turned to what to call my childrens' nether regions. My little boy is easy; he has a willy, in common with most other boys in his peer group.
Occasionally one comes across a todger, a winky or a percy (yes, really) but I have yet to encounter anything that causes offence or provokes adverse comment.
Perhaps this is not surprising, given that society is quite content to banter about men's meat and two veg, yet becomes rather coy when discussing the fairer sex. I have been wrestling for some time with what to call my daughters' private parts. Ok, so it doesn't keep me awake at night, but never-the-less I'm keen to find an answer I'm happy with, before my children ask me the question.
A quick survey among my friends was enlightening and amusing, but didn't yield the solution. I'm reluctant to give my girls 'flowers' for fear of spawning all manner of deep rooted gardening-related issues in later life. I flatly refuse to take my children to the doctor and discuss frou frous or minkys, and it seems deeply unfair on Aunt Mary to annexe her name with sniggers and guffaws.
A friend's three year old refers to her moo-moo; surely the reference to cows is confusing? I'm convinced that potty-training could go horribly wrong if I introduce front-bottoms, and if I follow another friend's suggestion, it'll bring a whole new meaning to 'Twinkle Twinkle little star'. I don't want to spoil panto trips by giving my girls a fairy, or cause concern over their pocket money by suggesting tuppence. There is a whole range of words to which I haven't even given house room; I don't mean to be a snob, but no daughter of mine is ever having a fanny...
At the back of my mind I feel I should be using proper words; not giving in to the British trait of body-part embarrassment. I do think that it needs to be a term easily identifiable for what it is. But I guess I'm a bit of a prude, and the thought of my daughter yelling 'vulva' in Waitrose is enough to give me palpitations. I fear my mother-in-law would disinherit us if vaginas were dropped into conversation on a regular basis.
And so I am no further forward, and have yet to find a word that doesn't either make me cringe or chuckle like a school-boy. I have settled, for the time-being, on their 'bits', which is wholly unsatisfactory but pretty explanatory. Thank goodness puberty is some years away...
This post was written by More than just a mother, who resides in Oxfordshire, and juggles a full-time job, three children in nappies, and a husband. She is new to blogging and loves it.
Photo credit: Martin Heigan
We're not there yet too. I'm not much good in this regard, I just got told off my daughter's reception teacher for using the word potty.
Posted by: Susanna (A Modern Mother) | 13 January 2009 at 14:54
My daughter always called her's 'bits'. it works for us, she knows the proper terms now as she is 9. Still calls it bits though.
Posted by: Tawny | 13 January 2009 at 20:49
We are not there yet, either. Still use the anatomically inaccurate 'bum' for everything down there. My mum always used 'fanny', which I recall finding increasingly embarassing the older I got.
Posted by: Coding Mamma | 13 January 2009 at 21:30
There are no good words really. We've settled on 'giny' as a shortening of vagina it's cuter that 'front bottom' or 'bits'. 'Fanny' is frankly too 1970's and one of my friends at 30 insisted she was getting her 'Minnie' waxed which is just so wrong ;)
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Posted by: nuna56 | 19 December 2009 at 13:31