Children, school and rise in depression…

I was on the Vanessa Feltz phone-in radio show on Saturday promoting my book - not that I am trying to promote my book and the wonderful Vanessa Feltz over everything else but, it was a highly enjoyable experience as Feltz is as sharp as a whip and very funny - when a listener e-mailed in to describe what a miserable time her son was having at school (it was on the back of another set of comments). She went in to great detail about how he had, since he changed year and got a new teacher, become withdrawn, unhappy and, essentially, had now been diagnosed with depression.

‘What can I do?’ she asked. Many other listeners then rang in also with their own stories of perfectly happy, bright children who had been utterly put off the learning process by going to school. This original child, according to his mother, said the teacher did not ‘get’ him. Apparently she found him disruptive and so, of course, the child became disruptive, turning in to the class clown and refusing to behave. The mother said her heart was breaking tosee her once talented happy son being reduced to nothing.

This feeling was echoed by so many listeners it ended up sounding like a phenomenon. Why are our children unhappy in school? They shouldn’t be. Teaching primary-aged children must be one of the most exciting, thrilling things to do. They are like sponges. If they like you and find you exciting as a teacher, with much to offer them, they will do anything for you and try as hard as they possibly can. Education, for me, is potentially thrilling. It is possible to educated a primary-school aged child by just taking them out for a walk.

I have two friends now who have optioned to home educate their children - one is a year 5 aged child (she intends to put him in secondary education) and another one whose daughter is about to go into year 6. She has learning difficulties and is finding school so traumatic she now has a whole host of nervous ticks that have disappeared since she has been told she no longer has to attend normal school.

I also looked in to home schooling my two younger boys. My four year-old, I think, would benefit massively. He is a lateral thinker. He seems to find school dreadfully boring and spends his time looking out of the window. Sometimes, he tells me, he is put on a separate table because of his disruptive behaviour. I went in to see his teacher then. She is someone I really like. I have no issue with her at all. She told me that she was trying her best with him, that she liked him as a person but that she found him hard to access on an academic level. I told her not to worry about it and that he would get there at his own speed but, in truth, I don’t think the formality of school suits him. Then again, it is hard to say as he is so young……if it does become a problem, and I feel he is becoming depressed and unhappy, I’ll find a way around it.

Then again, I don’t suppose our parents had any idea if we were depressed at school. We just got sent there and off we went. I found it dull most of the time but it never occurred to me to complain. School was school, no more, no less. Is our endless worrying about school and whether our children are ‘happy’ there or performing as we expect them to, another example of our middle class anxiety? But who wants an unhappy child?

On another note - I do hope anyone who has bought Lost and Found and/or Samantha Smythe’s Modern Family Journal has enjoyed reading them….I am off now come up with a plot for Book 4…

This post was written by  Lucy Cavendish, a journalist and author of Samantha Smythe's Modern Family Journal. Her new book, Lost and Found, is due out in March. She lives in the Thames Valley with her husband Michael and their four children. You can keep up with Lucy at Samantha Smythe's Modern Family Blog.

Photo credit: foreversouls

Comments

[Rosie Scribble]

Sounds like a very worrying trend. I suppose all anyone can really do is make sure their childrn feel happy and secure at home, so if things are tough in school they have somewhere to talk about it. Not sure what answers there are to this problem.

[maria]

I find this trend incredibly worrying. I have been in the process of moving back to London for the last year and half and I keep putting it off because of all the problems with uk schools. My son started schooling in Italy and he's very happy I am worried a change would cause all sorts of problems.

[Lark]

I remember feeling very confused and sad when my young boys really didn't like school. I though that bright social kids who loved learning and new things to do would LOVE school. They didn't. They were always thrilled when it was the weekend or a bank holiday.

Home education is a great alternative and the kids who are home educated are incredibly well socialised, educated and are exactly the sort of people you want your future to be built by.