Watching the Cutting Edge program on surrogacy, I was left in two minds: are these women brave or are they mad?
Going through the pregnancy and all it entails: sausage fingers, stretch marks, swollen ankle, no sleep, explosive heartburns... and give the baby away? It is almost like putting your womb for rent, free of charge... Now I personally think that renting it to my own children is an OK deal. They are in for a long life of repayments: lots of public embarrassments, kisses in public, Papa doing the Madness dance at parties, sharing their childhood stories with potentially important girlfriends... Ok, I agree with you, their Dad doing the Madness dance is a very high price to pay, but it is nothing compared to the total cost of Tum Tums during my two pregnancies!
This program made me realise how lucky we have been to get pregnant both time, almost immediately when we chose to. You take the whole pregnancy concept for granted, when everything goes well and if you never struggle to get pregnant, but how distressing it must be for a couple not to be able to conceive naturally? How terrible must it feels for a woman to discover that she will never carry the baby she longed for all her life?
I can understand how it can turn into a real obsession and how it can ruin a marriage or send someone into deep depression.
I asked myself if I would revert to surrogacy if we couldn’t have children, and I came to the conclusion that it would probably be our very last resort. Through this program I realised how vulnerable the women not being to have children are in front of the women carrying their child... It is almost like branding a blackmail tool all the time “You see this baby? Well behave if you want it!”. This is how I would feel, I think. Of course it all depends on the relationship the two women build, but all the ones portrayed in this documentary seemed to be nervous wrecks. Who wouldn’t be?! Imagine spending all these months before conception, checking each month if the surrogate mum got pregnant... then going through the 9 months, the scans, the worry to make sure that it all goes well, wondering what if the surrogate mum decides to keep the baby? the surrogate mum wondering if she is going to be able to give up the baby...
I have made up my mind and I believe that all these women, the surrogate mums or the mums are very, very brave! The emotional rollercoaster they all go through is a tough one and they all deserve to be happy. And whether the surrogate mums do it for money, or for love of being pregnant, or any other reason, does it matter really? If they give the chance to couples to be happy and complete, then I think they give one of the most beautiful gift ever: the gift of life and happiness, so they really can’t be bad, can they?
This post was written by Peggy who blogs at Perfectly Happy Mum. And she is, perfectly happy that is. She is mum to two energetic boys and is an Antenatal and Postnatal coach.
Photo credit: koalie
Not sure how I feel about this. Being a surrogate is much more of a commitment than say donating eggs. You're right both sides are brave.
Posted by: A Modern Mother | 06 August 2009 at 21:54
brave deffinitely!!!
Posted by: Rapidshare Films | 26 September 2009 at 13:42
Another type of depression is called seasonal affective disorder. Seasonal affective disorder occurs when a person becomes more depressed during the winter months and suffers a loss of energy, anxiety attacks, weight gain, excessive sleep, and a reduced sex drive. This disease is more common in women than in men.
The most severe and the most rare type of depression (affecting only about eight per 1,000 people) is called manic depression. This form of depression is equally common among men and women and can consist of depression and/or mania.
Posted by: deep depression | 07 January 2010 at 17:07