By having three children I've created - argh! - a middle child. I've heard it's not very nice being in the middle. My sister is a middle child and I asked her recently what it's like. Her reply began with "I'm not bitter, but..." In summary she said that the eldest one gets attention and the youngest one gets attention and the middle one doesn't because they're... in the middle.
Surely if you have three children then there's always going to be one left out? A lot of the time this could be the youngest because they're not old enough to do the things the other siblings do. But maybe this is compensated by the youngest getting more attention because they're the 'baby' of the family. Maybe an odd number of children is never a good idea? Maybe you should always aim for an even number? Maybe we should have a fourth? (little chance of that I think, husband has been mentioning the 's' word).
I worry about Fington feeling left out because Podge dominates the conversation and Little Girl dominates the immediate attention. If she's bawling her head off I see to her first because it's horrible to listen to. Podge and the Little Girl look similar too: they both have olive skin, dark eyes and really dark hair. Fington is blonde and fair with green eyes. Like a Viking.
I'm very conscious of Fington suffering from middle child syndrome (if it does exist). So I make a lot of effort not to let him feel overlooked. The three of them are individuals and I try to spend unique time with each of them. My sister thinks middle child syndrome can be avoided if you do this, she told me that if I'm aware of it now that's half the problem solved already. I'll do my best.
This post is written by Emily O, I'm a stay at home mum to three children under five. My blog is babyrambles.
My (adult) friend is a middle child and she swears this exists, she's quite bitter about it and does think that her older sister and younger brother get alot more help and support from her parents, although she's in her 30's and they still help her financially from time to time. Her brother and sister both have children and she doesn't so her parents help out with the kids.
I think that may be partly the cause of it.
Just a perspective on grown up middle kids!
x
Posted by: Baby Genie | 30 January 2010 at 20:21
Thanks for your comment, thats interesting to hear. I think the syndrome really depends on how the parents manage it. And it must be difficult to manage right at times.
Posted by: Emily O | 31 January 2010 at 11:25
I am a middle child. And it totally existed for me! I am the middle of three girls which I think is the worst combination.
My sisters always ganged up on me and seriously tortured me. Then my parents didn't want to hear about it!
Once we were grown my elder sister actually felt so bad about it she would cry and apologize to me. I was over it! And it actually made be stronger and strive to be the best.
Now, I have a fantastic relationship with both sisters. I think they both prefer me... which after everything makes me feel good!
My advice... it all works out in the end. But... I would never have three...
Posted by: Betty G | 02 February 2010 at 10:47
It sounds like you had it tough being in the middle! Sad that your parents werent interested in what you had to say. At least you all get on well now and your sisters apologised! Im very conscious of this while managing my three.
Posted by: Emily O | 02 February 2010 at 18:33
I am a middle child, and honestly I think it's brilliant, and in a way I'm a bit sad that my two will never experience Middle Child Syndrome (my legs are very firmly crossed). Your post has inspired me to write one of my own... http://bit.ly/cDiTCn
Posted by: MumVersusKids | 11 February 2010 at 16:53
Nice to read your take on this,I agree that the baby of the family can struggle when another child is born. This is definitely what my middle child is feeling at the moment I think. The other day I had to reassure him he was still my baby too and that seemed to make him feel better. Sounds like you wont have that problem though!
Posted by: Emily O | 11 February 2010 at 17:10
Middle child syndrome does exist, it's a fact. I'm the middle child between a sister who is extremely brainy and a brother who is the baby and gets away with blue murder. I'm just there I have no special purpose or place to make me unique. My brother is 19 and beats me up sometimes but I'm not allowed to hit back, if he calls me hurtful names I'm not allowed to say anything back or they go insane. I have extremely low self worth and have suffered with depression and anxiety all my life, it's at the stage where I just take it for grantit that I'm unwanted. The first born is special because they were your first child, the last is special because they are the baby of the bunch, any amount of children in between are still the middle. Having a fourth just creates a new baby ofthe family and a second middle.
Posted by: Sharon | 12 February 2010 at 21:49
Its unacceptable your brother treats you like that, if your family are aware of it and not doing anything about it then you need to find someone who can help. My middle child is just as wanted and loved as my other children, Im sure its the same in most families. Its sad to read you feel this way.
Posted by: Emily O | 13 February 2010 at 10:33
I've researched it and subconciously parents do treat the middle child differently. They don't even realise they do it. I just don't belong in my family, they have this happy bubble that I am not nor ever have been part of, it's so common a feeling among middle children and it's not that every middle child who has it is Reading too much into it. My parents insist they love me as much as the rest but actions speak louder than words. It's so obvious they don't want me, they constantly compare me to my siblings, tell me I'm good for nothing, that they can't wait till I leave, when I was young they wouldn't allow me have friends over they'd run them away from the house it got to the stage where if I had a birthday party nobody would show up, children thought I was unfriendly or odd because I was so insecure, I'd be sitting there on my own at my party waiting for people who would never show up, my father used to punch me too in front of other kids. My family has never wanted me and still don't. It's not in my head the fact is they treat me different than my siblings and don't even realise it. I tried telling them how I feel but They just complain that I'm looking for notice so there isn't any point. I have social problems in that I find it very difficult to speak to people and they make me feel bad about it all the time saying 'you have no friends' and 'you can't even open your mouth in public' it's an inferior complex I can't tell them I'm severely depressed or I tried to commit suicide on numerous occasions. If you look up characteristics of MCS all of the above feelings may be more clear.
Posted by: Sharon | 13 February 2010 at 17:23
A good article I found:
http://www.justmommies.com/articles/middle-child-syndrome.shtml
Posted by: Sharon | 14 February 2010 at 00:42